tawa SESAaT

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success.

The boy begins to turn blue. The desperate mother starts screaming for help.

A man gets up from a nearby table, and with astonishing tranquillity, without saying a word, lowers the boy's pants and squeezes his testicles.

The boy yells and spits out the coin. The gentleman with the same tranquillity returns to his table without a word.

Soon, the mother calms down and approaches the gentleman to thank him for saving her son's life.

She asks, "Sir, are you a doctor?"

"No, ma'am," comes the reply. "I'm an Assistant Commissioner from Dirjen Pajak."

"We are trained to squeeze everyone's balls to make them cough up the last penny."

Reminder to file and confirm your tax returns.

The deadline to file your taxes in 2020 is March 31st for personal tax and April 30th for company.

Hindari olahraga Badminton.

Sudah banyak contoh orang bermasalah setelah olahraga ini. 

Namun masih sedikit yang sadar ini olahraga yang tidak bagus, sebab kalau bagus untuk kesehatan mustinya namanya Goodminton.

😋

My Last Job Interview.

Officer: What is your name?
Me:  M.P. sir

Officer: In full please
Me:  Marvin Paul

Officer: Your father's name?
Me:  M.P. sir

Officer: What does that mean?
Me:  Martin Paul

Officer: What is your qualification?
Me:  M.P.

Officer: (angry) What is that?!!!
Me:  Maths and Physics

Officer: So why do you need a job?
Me:  It is because of M.P. sir

Officer: Meaning?
Me:  Money Problem

Officer: Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
Me: MP sir.

Officer:  And what is that?
Me:  Marvelous Personality

Officer: I see... I will get back to you.
Me:  Sir, how was M.P. sir?

Officer: And what's that again?
Me:  My Performance.

Officer:  I think you have M.P.
Me:  What’s that?

Officer:  Mental Problem!!!

Don't laugh alone.
Send this to M.P. (Many People) those are saved in your M.P. (Mobile Phone)
to put a smile on their faces.

I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Pren).  😂😂😂

Sharing from a close friend:

I know a girl on the Internet.
Beautiful, and sexy ...
After some chat, I feel attracted.
 
Yesterday she asked me to go to her house and said:
My husband is on a business trip, I’m alone.

I am very cautious and Asked:
Will the husband suddenly come back?

She said: No.
Just in case he does.
You just say:
You are from the cleaning company.
The company sent you to clean.
Rubbing the glass or something.
Anyway, the New Year is coming.
My husband won't doubt it.

Result
I was at her house, and a big coincidence.
Not even minutes in the house. Her husband is back.
I haven't even touched her hand yet.

I have to be quiet and pretend to do cleaning, wiping windows, clean the kitchen and floor.
Also tidy the bedrooms and wash the bathroom ....
His husband is next to me giving all kinds of instructions.

When finished and about to leave.
Her husband asked: How much?
She said: I have already paid the company.

On the way home.
The more I think about it, the more I felt DAMN cheated 😰 ...

CNY is around the corner, cleaners is hard to find, beware of the new scam.
Every man should be alerted ... 😂😂😂

Cara mengingat pencegahan virus
 W-U-H-A-N:

Bahasa Inggris
W: wash hands
U: use mask properly
H: have temperature checked regularly
A: avoid large crowds
N: never touch your face with unclean hands


Bahasa Indonesia
W: Wajib cuci tangan.
U: Usahakan masker.
H: Harus cek panas badan.
A: Awas, jangan berkerumun
N: Noda wajah usap dengan tangan yang bersih.


Bahasa Jawa
W: Wijik tanganmu sing resik
U: Unggahno penutup irungmu
H: Hasilé suhu awak tansah dipriksa
A: Adohi kumpulané wong akèh
N: Ngusap rai tangané kudu resik


Bahasa Sunda
W: Wasuh panangan sing beresih
U: Ulah hilap nganggo masker
H: Haneut salira teras diparios
A: Awas ulah ruang riung
N: Ngusap rarai ku panangan nu beresih.

😄😄 😄👍🏼👍🏼..
Kalau sudah dikasih dalam 3 Versi Bahasa masih bingung juga ... 
Bagaimana kumaha atuh ...?
😂

If you want to win against Corona virus, just maintain the golden rules. The rules are:

"AVOID MEN & FOLLOW WOMEN"

Avoid touching MEN to stop the spread of COVID-19

M- Mouth
E-  Eye
N- Nose

Follow WOMEN to prevent COVID-19.

W- Wash your hands with soap under running water.
O- Obey directives
M- Move away from crowded places
E- Exercise regularly
N- No hand shaking

WOMEN are the joy of the world 😍

Stay safe 🤗😷

My wife and I went to grocery. Of course, we had face mask and goggles to be safe.

When we got there, wow, there are still too many people.    Scary !

I decided, and I pulled my wife to go home cos we might even catch CoVid there ...

But, contradicting me, she wants to let go and doesn't want to go home!

Oh my goodness! I really dragged her back to the car.

In the car, she ignores me and is angry ...

When we arrived home, when we remove face mask ... She is not my wife .... 😱

 BE CAREFUL.
SAFER@HOME ....

Joke of the day 😂😂

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II, and Vladimir Putin all died and go to hell.
While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.

Next Queen Elizabeth II calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she has  finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes her a cheque.

Finally Trump  gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he has finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this, he goes angrily and asks the devil why Trump got to call USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Trump took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Definitely the best joke of the day

FUNtastic HOURS
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

#stayathomesmile
Healthy Prosperity Wealthy
🤪🤪😂😂😂

True Story now

Somebody asked me: “What are you doing in these challenging lockdown period?”


I replied: “Import export business. So very busy, business very good ..., non stop ...!”


He said: “How come? How ...?”


My replied: “Import messages from 1 group then export it to another group ...”


🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jauh sebelum orang IT menemukan kata seperti e-learning, e-banking, e-book, e-health, e-commerce, e-mail, etc, orang Indonesia adalah penemu asal kata-kata yang diawali huruf "e".

Berikut kata diawali "e" tersebut:

1. e-mbuh: disconnected from communication due to the inability to figure out something.
2. e-ndasmu: high amplitude anger, full of energy transferred orally to others.
3. e-alah: a status quo created due to the incompatibility between the principles held by somebody and the reality.
4. e-ntut: an invisible, untraceable attack send to an area by biologically naturally created gas. This gas is not eco-friendly.
5. e-dan: a systemic error at the CPU (central processing unit) embedded inside the head, which causes in-capabilities to process data logically.
6. e-nak:  a conclusion sent out from a sensory system after processing easy, yummy data and or an input.
7. e-link: mechanism of the brain retrieving past data.
8. e-lok: the look of your partner 15 years ago.
9. e-nom:  your look 25 years ago.
10. e-NDAH : your classmate
11. e-mber: agree to something that your friend said
12. e-mper: a space for you to sell anything for free during Car Free Day
13. e-yke: banci calling himself colek deu
14. e-yang: most wanted person on lebaran day
15. e-lu: how to call your friend
16. e-gepe: whatever you say laaaahhh.
17. e-ladalah: surprised expression regarding something funny
18. e-suk: when the sun  rises
19. e-ntek: no more or finished
20. e-neg: when you're feeling sick of someone else
21. e-iiit: avoid something

😀😂😜

Five Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square, Rome.

The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father”.

The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Lordship'.”

The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is an Archbishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'.”

The fourth Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'.”

The fifth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the five men gave her a subtle, “Well …?”

She proudly replies,
“I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24″ waist and
34” hips.

When she walks into a room, people say ...

“MY GOD"!

😄😄😄😄😄😄

Surat cinta seorang pembantu untuk pacar bulenya. Mbak Sum bermaksud mutusin pacarnya John (bule) tetapi dia tidak berani bertemu muka dengan kekasihnya. Mbak Sum menulis surat dengan berbekal kamus Bahasa Inggris dan pengetahuan yang pas-pasan. Berikut isi suratnya ...

hi John together this letter I give know you
(hai John bersama surat ini saya ingin memberitahumu)

I want cut connection us
(saya ingin memutuskan hubungan kita)

I think very cook cook
(saya pikirkan masak-masak)

I know love my only clap half hand
(saya tau cintaku hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan)

correctly I have see you play fire with a women entertainment at town with my eyes head alone
(sebenarnya saya telah melihat kamu bermain api dengan wanita penghibur di kota dengan mata kepala saya sendiri)

you always ask sorry back back river
(kau selalu meminta maaf berulang-ulang kali)

river that I forgive you, but this river, you correct hurt my liver
(kali itu aku memaafkan kamu, tapi kali ini kau benar-benar menyakiti hatiku)

eyes you drop water eye crocodile
(matamu meneteskan air mata buaya)

you correct correct a man crocodile land
(kau benar-benar lelaki buaya darat)

so, I cut connection and pull body from love triangle this
(jadi, saya putuskan hubungan ini dan menarik diri dari cinta segitiga ini)

I cry night-night until no there is eye water more thingking about your body
(saya menangis bermalam-malam sampai tidak ada lagi air mata memikirkan dirimu)

I not want sick my liver for two river
(saya tidak mau sakit hati untuk kedua kalinya)

safe walk John
(selamat jalan John)

from your fruit liver
(dari buah hatimu)
-
SUMIATI LION ON THE TABLE
(SUMIATI SINGODIMEJO)

Jauh sebelum orang IT menemukan kata seperti e-learning, e-banking, e-book, e-health, e-commerce, e-mail, etc, orang Indonesia adalah penemu asal kata-kata yang diawali huruf "e"

Berikut kata diawali "e" :

1. e-mbuh: Disconected from communication due to the inability to figure out something.
2. e-ndasmu: high amplitude anger, full of energy transfered orally to others.
3. e-alah: a status quo created due to the incompatibility between the principles held by somebody and the reality.
4. e-ntut: an invisible, untraceable attack send to an area by biologically naturally created gas. This gas is not eco friendly.
5. e-dan: a systemic error at the CPU (central processing unit) embedded inside the head, which causes incapabilities to process data logically.
6. e-nak: a conclusion sent out from a sensory system after processing easy, yummy data and or an input.
7. e-link: mechanism of the brain retrieving past data.
8. e-lok: the look of your partner 15 years ago.
9. e-nom: your look 25 years ago.
10. e-NDANG: your classmat.
11. e-mber: agree to something that your friend said.
12. e-mper: a space for you to sell anything for free during Car Free Day.
13. e-yke: banci calling himself.
14. e-yang: most wanted person on lebaran day.
15. e-lu: how to call your friend.
16. e-gepe: whatever you say laaaahhh.
17. e-ladalah: surprised expression regarding something funny.
18. e-suk: when the sun rises.
19. e-ntek: no more or finished.
20. e-neg: when you're feeling sick of someone else.
21. e-iiit: avoid something.
22. e-copot: impromptu reaction when people get startled ...

😆

👮: bos lagi di mana?
👲: friday market
👮: pasar jumat?
👲: iyes

10 menit kemudian

👮: dah di mana bos?
👲: inside radio
👮: radio dalam?
👲: iyes

15 menit kemudian

👮: sampai mana bos?
👲: nail of mrs. forest
👮: di mana tuh bos?
👲: paku bu wono
👮: &%##/-!?% 😭

20 menit kemudian

👮: sampai di mana bos?
👲: double happy
👮: di mana itu bos?
👲: ganda ria
👮: capek deehh 😭😭

35 menit kemudian

👮: sampai di mana bos?
👲: great help
👮: di mana itu bos?
👲: tulung agung

60 menit kemudian

👮: sampai di mana bos?
👲: condet
👮: kok kagak pake bahasa Inggris bos?
👲: kagak ade bahase Inggris-nye coy  👊👊👊

😂😂😂😂
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